"Is it okay to sleep literally sleep with my significant other on the same bed?"
What I meant on "literally sleep" is to sleep with someone without any sexual acts involved. Be it just a normal sleep over or you just got stranded on your way home that you found yourself sleeping on the same bed or in the same room with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Of course, it is given that any sexual acts without the vow of marriage is a sin. But as a Christian, where do we really draw the line?
I have been searching for the answers ever since, tried googling for the answers and I came across this blog site:
http://sheworships.com/2008/05/11/sleeping-over-the-latest-trend-in-christian-sketchiness/
Surely, this blog entry answered my question and I will try to dissect the author's point of view as it is based on the Bible.
I would like to put a disclaimer on this as I, myself is not perfect. Been trying to do things on my own that I failed God. Been continuously violating the Grace Jesus is giving me. But I know that it is never too late. God has made me new and I am a new creation. The past cannot be undone but He has already paid for my sins and I am now forgiven. <3
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I think most Christians would agree that having sex before marriage is wrong.
After all, Scripture is pretty clear on the topic over and over again. What is a
little less clear is the lines we cross
leading up to sex. I can’t count the number of dating talks I’ve attended in
which some ambiguously intentioned young person asked, “How far is too far?” For
many of us, we feel like we’re doing pretty well as long as we’re not going “all
the way,” so prior to that boundary almost anything goes.
Because of this mentality, a new trend in Christian dating has developed:
sleeping together but not having sex. Countless Christian couples will share a
bed for the night without doing the actual deed, and I’ve done it myself. And on
some level, it would seem pretty innocent–all you’re doing is sleeping together.
That’s not so bad, right?
Well as a person who has herself engaged in this behavior, let me be the
first to say that it’s wrong. And if you’re doing it with your significant
other, then you need to stop. I know this is a pretty hard line stance, but
here’s my thought process…
First, when you share a bed with someone you are tempting yourself
unnecessarily. My pastor always says that if your boyfriend can lie down next to
you without getting aroused, then he either doesn’t like you very much, or he’s
probably gay. While he is overstating his point in jest, I think there is
something to that statement. When you are lying under the covers in a dark room
next to a person that you’re attracted to, then it will be extremely difficult
to set appropriate boundaries. Your judgment will be compromised be your
desires, and speaking from my own experience, my desires win every time.
Even if you don’t start out having sex, it won’t be long until you reach that
point. You’ll find yourself needing to go further and further to get the same
degree of pleasure, and eventually you will find yourself facing the final
frontier. For that reason, don’t put yourself in that position. Even if you’re
not spending the entire night together, being in bed is a tremendous temptation,
so it should be avoided no matter the circumstances.
The second reason Christians should avoid sleeping over is that it
compromises your witness. If your roommates aren’t Christians and they see your
boyfriend sleeping over, they will likely assume you are having sex. When this
happens, we fail to distinguish Christian relationships from worldly
relationships in any substantive way.
But even if your roommates are
Christian, you can still pull them down with your example. If, for instance,
they are wondering about boundaries in their own relationships, and they look to
you for direction, then you will be leading them right into temptation. Even if
they know you’re not having sex, they may still come to think that sleeping in
the same bed is okay, so don’t set them up for such a fall.
Now if you don’t have a roommate and none of the above applies to you, you
can still compromise your witness. If, for example, your neighbors see your
boyfriend leave early in the morning, the same perception may be achieved, so it
is best to be above reproach in this area.
The final reason that spending the night should be avoided is that it is
actually very intimate, and in a way that is not appropriate outside the bonds
of marriage. You know, we don’t really talk about sleeping in the same bed as
being an intimate act, but whenever I woke up the next morning I always felt
like I had crossed a major line of intimacy that I hadn’t intended to
transgress.
I think this intimacy stems from a lot of things–One, you are imitating the
intimacy between married people. Across time and culture, marriages have been
consummated when the husband and wife came together in one marital bed.
Conversely, a husband might be kicked out of that bed and exiled to the couch if
the couple is fighting. That said, sleeping together in one bed can sympolize
the union between a husband and wife. The sharing of a bed represents the
sharing of a life.
Two, when we share a bed with another person, we are in close proximity for
an extended period of time. This, in my mind, is what separates sharing a bed
with a friend of the same sex, from sharing a bed with someone you’re attracted
to. When I share a bed with a girl friend, we might as well be sleeping in
separate beds. I don’t want her all up in my space, and neither does she. In
fact, I had to share a bed with an old friend last week, and I woke up in the
middle of the night when I felt her nudge my foot back onto my side of the
bed.:)
But when you sleep with your boyfriend, it’s a very different story. He lies
close to you with his arms around you, and he can feel your entire body against
his. Because of this closeness, sleeping together is very intimate for dating
couples in a way that is distinct from same-gender friends who share a bed.
And finally, sleeping together is intimate because we are most vulnerable
when we are asleep. In a sense, sleeping with someone in such close proximity is
an act of trust and commitment. We can let down our guard and be ourselves,
trusting that the person will still be there in the morning. Again, this is a
kind of commitment that is appropriate in marriage, but should be avoided prior
to that time. In a sense, spending the night with someone can be a kind of
commitment in which we feel safe and protected by the person who is next to us
(especially for us ladies), so for the sake of guarding your heart and not
jumping the gun emotionally, you really shouldn’t do it.
So if you are dating someone with whom you find yourself spending the night a
lot, talk to them about it. Make a commitment to one another to stop this
behavior for the sake of the relationship. After all, this is not about rules
and regulations–this is about honoring God and honoring your significant other.
When the physical relationship gets out of hand, then it corrodes your
relationship with God and your boyfriend, so we should all abstain from such
spiritual poison. And if your roommates are doing this, talk to them about it
and figure out how to hold them accountable in a way that is encouraging, rather
than judgmental.
And finally, enjoy having an entire bed to yourself while you can! Some
people hate going to bed alone, but I say relish in it, because the poor guy I
marry is gonna be fighting me for bed space.
http://sheworships.com/2008/05/14/sleeping-over-part-2/
http://sheworships.com/2012/06/22/dating-advice-it-is-ok-if-i/